


Flowers For A Ghost

by BuckyAndDanno



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Injured!Buck, M/M, Small bit of humor at the end, So much angst, hurt!buck, rescue gone wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:22:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyAndDanno/pseuds/BuckyAndDanno
Summary: A rescue goes wrong and a life hangs in the balance. Eddie refuses to give up on Buck, until the choice is taken out of his hands. But then, Buck is Buck.“Only you would crash your own funeral.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew
Comments: 10
Kudos: 376





	Flowers For A Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me after watching the clips of Monday’s episode and listening to ‘Flowers For a Ghost’ by Thriving Ivory; hence the title. I’ve also been re-watching the Chicago Fire episodes surrounding Benny’s death, because of my other fics, so it all just merged into this pile of angst. 
> 
> Apologies for any geographical or medical inaccuracies. I neither work at a hospital, nor live in Cali.
> 
> Enjoy!

It had been a quiet shift so far at Station 118, but no-one dared say it. Everyone knew what would happen if someone even dared to think it. Instead they kept themselves busy with chores and drills, and maybe the odd video game; kept satisfied by Bobby’s amazing food.

It was the 21st hour of their 24 hour shift when the alarms started blaring, waking everyone from their slumber. Feet hit the ground running, slipping into their turnout gear with practiced ease and jumping into the truck.

Captain Robert Nash sat in the front passenger seat, on call to dispatch. “Captain 118 to dispatch, what’s the situation?”

Chim already had directions to one of the abandoned quarries just outside of L.A., so they knew it wasn’t likely to be an easy call.

“Dispatch to Captain 118. Fissure opened up at the quarry. Single male trapped inside.”

“Copy that.” Bobby turns to his team. “We’ve got a man trapped inside a fissure. No word on exactly how deep, but we may have to send someone in. Buck, you okay with that?”

Buck just grins. “You got it, Cap.”

There’s an uneasy feeling in Bobby’s stomach as he turns away from Buck, but he shakes it off as they pull up to the scene.

The quarry manager meets them immediately, explaining that they were using a large bore drill at the bottom of the quarry when a fissure opened. Most of the personnel had been able to move to safety but one man had fallen in and was now stuck. They estimated he had fallen maybe twenty feet.

All in all, it didn’t sound too bad, but when they arrived at the mouth of the fissure, Bobby spotted another – deadly – problem.

It was an open fissure, meaning it led down further than they could see. There was no telling where the end of it was, meaning if the man slipped any further, there was a chance they wouldn’t get him out at all.

Focusing on the simplest solution before risking any of his team, Bobby orders them to set up a winch, and lower down a cable to the man.

“Fasten it around your waist, then wrap your arm around the cord. We’re going to try and pull you up!” He yells to the man, who shakily manages to do as Bobby asked. The man thankfully seems to have no injuries bar some small cuts and a throbbing in his ankle.

Bobby signals to Eddie on the winch, and then start reeling him up.

The man screams in pain.

“Stop!” Bobby yells to Eddie, then looks back down into the fissure. “What’s wrong Kevin?”

“M-My a-ankle…” The man sobs. “I t-think it’s t-trapped…”

Bobby curses. “Okay. Buck, you’re going in.”

Buck, who was already harnessed up and had been analysing the situation himself, points to a spot about 10 feet away from the Kevin’s left side. “The section here is wider. I can go down here and use a pick to widen up the route to Kevin and free his ankle.”

Its soft earth, hence the extent of the fissure, so it should work. Bobby nods. “Let’s set up a winch at that opening!”

They hook the rope up to Buck’s harness. Bobby clasps his shoulder, ignoring the growing feeling in his gut. “You got this, kid.”

Buck grins, thriving on the adrenaline. “I’m ready.” He slowly lowers himself down so he’s hanging onto the edge of the fissure, then starts rappelling down until he’s about in line with Kevin’s legs. Pick in hand, he starts working his way across.

The earth crumbles under the pick, raining down like snow into the deeper part of the fissure. Buck does his best not to look down, to just focus on the job in hand. Still, his heart is pounding. Yet, he loves every minute of it.

Finally he gets across to Kevin, working to loosen the thick clumps that are trapping his ankle. It takes a few minutes, but eventually Kevin’s ankle is free. Buck yells up to the team. “Pull him up!”

The movement is swift and clean. Kevin breaches the surface with a cry of joy, scrambling for solid earth. “Oh my god… Oh my god…” He mumbles over and over, while Hen leads him to where he can sit down, so she can check him out.

“Good job Buck!” Bobby calls down. “Now let’s get you out!”

Buck gives him a thumbs up and starts moving back to where he’d descended, so they can pull him out smoothly. He doesn’t notice the fraying of his rope as it slides along a jagged rock until he calls out to Eddie, ready to be pulled back to the light.

Eddie starts the winch up, and with a terrifying snap the rope flies up out of the fissure.

Buck is not on the end of it.

“No!” Eddie yells, racing to the fissure. Buck’s grasping onto the soft earth for dear life, eyes wide with panic. The hand holding the pick has driven it into the side of the fissure, but they all know it won’t hold for long.

“Cap! We need another harness, now!” Eddie yells, trying to reach into the fissure to grab Buck’s hand. He’s close to the top. Eddie knows he can reach him if he just…

Buck’s hand slips, the earth crumbling to dust beneath it. He’s holding on just by the pick now, and Eddie can see it moving.

“Buck! Grab my hand!” Eddie’s stretching farther than his arm thinks it can, shoulder aching, trembling, but he will not let Buck fall. Not when Eddie can save him.

Buck reaches up with all his strength, fingertips brushing Eddie’s…

Then the pick loosens completely, and he’s falling, into the dark depths below.

“EVAN!”

Eddie screams until he’s hoarse, tears cascading down his face, but Buck’s gone, and they can’t even begin to fathom how far he’s fallen.

Bobby’s hand goes slack around the second harness, his face crumpling with disbelief and anguish at Eddie’s shout. It barely hits the floor before Eddie’s scooping it up, shouting at Bobby, Chim, anyone who will listen.

“Send me down! I’m gonna find him!”

Bobby’s eyes snap to Eddie, hand reaching out to grab him. “Eddie…”

“No!” Eddie yells, hands trembling as he tries to unhook the latches on the harness. “No…”

“I can’t send you down there without us knowing how far Buck’s gone.”

“And in the meantime, what?” Eddie fixes him with a stare, face etched with pain. “We just leave him there to die?”

“I didn’t say that.” Bobby snaps. He’s trying so hard not to break down himself, but he knows he has to keep a cool head if they’re going to have any chance of rescuing Buck. “But I won’t lose someone else, Eddie. I can’t.”

Eddie deflates. He knows Bobby doesn’t just mean as a firefighter. He can’t lose someone else in his family.

“We will find him.” Bobby says firmly. “And we will save him. But we do it the right way.”

Buck hears himself scream. He’s falling further and further – Eddie’s face long gone from his view – and then he hits water. He’s so shocked by its appearance that he doesn’t think to hold his breath.

The water rushes down his throat until he has the wherewithal to kick, breach the surface, and cough it all back up with spit and bile.

With exception of his now raw throat and a burning pain – likely a graze – in his leg, he’s unharmed, and thanks anyone listening for the relatively soft landing.

Buck blinks, trying to gauge his surroundings. He’s obviously underground and he can’t see much in the darkness, but it’s obvious he’s in some kind of old waterway. There’s a light current, but it’s not enough to pull him.

He gazes up, can’t see where he came from, and debates whether he should stay or move.

He knows any rescue attempt would be dangerous, knows Bobby would likely rule against it, and Buck doesn’t hold that against him at all. He has to think of his whole team. The water is frigid though, and Buck knows he could die of hypothermia before rescue reach him.

Decision made, he kicks his legs and swims in the direction of the current.

Hopefully, it might take him home.

The first thing they do is call for a telescopic camera. In the time it takes for it to arrive, Bobby also sends for blueprints of the area, and for search teams to begin exploring the rest of the large quarry.

If they’re lucky, Buck ended up in a cavern that could lead back outside.

When the camera arrives, they waste no time in putting it to use. It takes too much time – in Eddie’s opinion – to sweep the entire fissure. There’s no sign of Buck, just darkness and what they think is water.

“Looks like an old waterway.” One of Bobby’s fellow Captains – a specialist in rescue – says.

They check the blueprints and conform it’s a flood channel for the quarry and surrounding mountains.

“So it opens somewhere?” Eddie’s eyes are gleaming with hope.

The man nods. “Likely a river or lake. But the water down there’s close to zero, and your man wasn’t expecting it…”

The 118 understand his hesitance – have a tight worry in their gut telling them the same thing – but he doesn’t know Buck.

Bobby shakes his head. “Buck’s survived worse.”

“Damn right.” Eddie says. His expression is tight, determined. Only his eyes betray the true extent of his internal panic. “He’s alive. I know it.”

If he wasn’t, Eddie would feel it. He and Buck have become so close – it actually scares Eddie sometimes how much Evan has integrated into his and Christopher’s lives. He would know if Buck was gone. His heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

Bobby nods. “Let’s find out where it leads.”

Buck feels like he’s been swimming for hours. His body is numb, running on auto-pilot. He knows he’ll die if he doesn’t get out of the water soon.

Eventually his eyes adjust to a pinprick of light, and Buck forces himself to swim faster.

He’s almost there. So close he can practically taste the warmth.

The light grows, and suddenly he’s out, the mouth of whatever he was in opening out into a river. Buck recognises the dense foliage around him as one of California’s national parks, just outside of L.A.

He’s a lot farther from the firehouse than he would have liked, but the air is warm, and he is free.

The problem is that the current’s faster now, and Buck knows he does not want to reach the river’s end. So when he spots a patch of rocks on the edge of the bank, he powers through the water with all of his might to get to them.

His hand grasps for the nearest rock and holds on tight. It slices his palm, drops of red muddying the clear water, but Buck pushes through the pain.

He has to get home.

He has to get back to his family.

Pulling himself up, he rests on the sharp rocks for a brief moment before trying to stand and get to the dry shore. Unfortunately, Buck’s luck is just that - _Buck’s_ luck. His foot slips on some algae, twisting his ankle with a sharp crack. Buck screams, crashing back down to the rocks. His head hits a sharp corner, flooding his mind with pain, and then he’s giving into the call of unconsciousness.

Slowly, his unresponsive body slips back towards the water. The river laps greedily at his ankles, legs, hips, the current eventually pulling him back in.

With that, Evan Buckley flows further downstream.

They search for three days.

Further blueprints showed that the waterway led to a river in one of California’s parks, so that’s where they started. One team dredged up the waterway, one down to the river, while the rest of them searched from the banks outwards.

The first thing they found was blood, fresh and red. Eddie’s heart is in his throat at the sight of it. It’s not a life threatening amount, but it’s enough, and if Buck was already hypovolemic and hypothermic…

He tries not to think about it.

It might not be Buck’s blood.

HPD take a sample to send to the lab, and then the rest of them are searching, calling out Buck’s name.

Eddie tries not to think of all the worst case scenarios, but as the day trudged on with no sign of Buck, not even footprints in the grass, he starts to lose hope. When they finally call it a night, knowing they can’t continue searching in near darkness, and that they’re all likely to pass out themselves, Eddie starts to cry.

Hen wraps him up in the back of the truck, a blanket around them, and just hugs him tight. “He’ll be okay.” She whispers. “It’s Buck.”

He believes her, even if part of him knows he probably shouldn’t. Because it is Buck; who’s survived being crushed, throwing an embolism, and countless other disasters. Buck, who can survive anything.

His treacherous mind asks him ‘what if this is the thing he can’t?’ though, but Eddie does his best to push it away. He gives Hen a smile, agrees with her, and does his best to not think otherwise.

It’s only when he gets home, when Christopher sleepily asks him if Buck can come over tomorrow, that Eddie truly breaks down.

If they don’t find Buck, if he’s not okay, Eddie isn’t quite sure what he’ll do.

The next night, when they still have found no sign of Buck and Hen tells him again that Buck will be okay, Eddie isn’t sure if either of them really believe it.

By the end of the third consecutive night, they’ve all lost hope. Bobby is paler than Eddie has ever seen him, dark rings under his eyes. Hen and Chim are too quiet. Eddie knows he’s lost weight; can’t bring himself to eat while Buck might still be out there, waiting for rescue.

Waiting for him.

It’s in those three days that Eddie realises something about his and Buck’s relationship that he’s never before considered.

He’s in love with Buck.

Each night his mind conjures vivid nightmares of him finding Buck, of lifeless eyes staring back at him, accusing him, and each time the final words Eddie whispers, the final words he hears, are “I love you.”

He doesn’t even try to argue against it. Deep down, he knows it’s true.

He loves Evan Buckley with every fibre of his being, and if they don’t find him, if Eddie never gets a chance to tell him…

He’s spent most of the time since with tears clouding his vision.

The fourth day brings nothing but silence when they arrive at the 118. The Chief Commissioner of the LAFD is already waiting for them, and they already know what he’s going to say. They’d all heard the call Bobby got the night before; stating the blood found was Buck’s, and that it was likely he’d tried to get onto the bank, but fallen back into the water. They all knew the end of the river led to a waterfall, and into the ocean. They all knew Buck’s chances.

“I’m sorry to inform you all that the search and rescue operation for one Evan Buckley is at an end. Effective immediately, Evan Buckley is to be listed as killed in action. A memorial plaque will be instigated in his honor, and an LAFD funeral will be hosted tomorrow.” He watches with sad eyes as ever single member of the 118 just breaks. “Go home. Be with your families. For the next week, the 118 is out of service.”

Eddie isn’t sure how he gets home, but the next minute he’s holding Christopher tight, sobbing as he has to break to his son that Buck isn’t coming home.

Christopher cries all day, curled up against his dad, and it breaks every bit of Eddie’s heart that remains.

Buck wakes to salt and sand in his mouth, seaweed on his face, and for a long moment he can’t remember what happened. His head is pounding, leg and hands and chest stinging like a thousand thorns are embedded in them, but he’s alive, and he doesn’t quite know how.

It all comes back to him slowly. The rescue, the fall, the water. He remembers coming to briefly, surrounded by water on all sides. It seemed to clog his throat, making it so hard to breathe, and all he could see was Eddie and Christopher. Like watching a home movie, he saw every moment of their lives together, every jolt of happiness, every smile, and Buck had known with every fibre in his being that he needed to get back to them. So he’d pushed his legs, his arms, pushed himself to his absolute limit, breaking the surface once more. He’d still only been able to see water, and then… a glimpse of the beach, the pier… He’d pushed and pushed until he had nothing left, and then a wave had crashed down upon him. Then, blackness once more.

His eyes blink open slowly, gritty and raw, and he can see sand, and the stilts of the pier.

Somehow, his guardian angel – after everything, he _had_ to have one – had brought him to the pier. Somehow, Evan Buckley could get home.

He had to get home.

To Eddie.

To Christopher.

With those thoughts on repeat, he manages to push himself to his feet, ignoring the shaking of his muscles, the bile rising in his throat, and the pounding of his head. He manages to get up to the beach, ignoring the way every part of him feels cold despite the warm of the sun on his skin and the fact that his clothes are somehow dry. He ignores the fact that he doesn’t know how long he’s been out, that his clothes are tattered and covered with splatters of blood. He ignores the pain and the dizziness and the overwhelming want to just give up and sleep.

Once more, Evan Buckley pushes himself to his end.

Home.

Eddie.

Christopher.

Eddie hates the fact that he wakes the next morning and has to dress Christopher in a suit he’s only worn once before. He hates the fact that his son is once again losing someone so important to him. He hates the fact that his son’s cheeks are stained with tears, his face red and blotchy.

Eddie Diaz hates the fact that today he has to say goodbye to his best friend – the love of his life – for good.

Eddie Diaz hates the world.

They arrive at the 118 to a sea of sombre faces, and Eddie hates all of it. He hates the way people he’s never met – higher ups, the brass – tell him that they’re sorry. He hates the fact that none of them know just how much Buck meant to all of them – to Eddie.

He tries to block out as much of it as he can, floating through the memorial service like a ghost. But then they’re lifting the casket, the metal cold in his hands and the casket way too light, and Eddie just breaks. He squeezes Christopher’s hand tight with his free hand, and the little boy just looks up at his dad with a teary smile.

They move out of the firehouse, heading down the driveway to the truck. They’re lined on either side by teary eyed people, some friends, family, and some strangers, and Eddie just can’t take it. He has to swallow back his sobs, arm shaking around the casket.

Then there’s a gasp, followed by another, and then Christopher’s voice – full of disbelief and joy.

“Buck!”

Eddie stumbles. Turns.

Sure enough, the sea of people lining the station’s driveway parts, and there is Evan Buckley on the sidewalk, his eyes blinking rapidly, blood on his torn clothes, but very much alive.

The casket is not so gently lowered as Eddie, Bobby and the rest of the 118 family rush to his side.

“Buck!”

“Evan!”

“Buck!”

Evan Buckley smiles, surrounded once more by his family. “M-Miss m-m-me?” Then he drops.

Hen and Chim are straight into paramedic mode. Chim runs to the bus for the equipment bag, while Hen presses her ear to Buck’s chest.

“He’s breathing, but I can hear a rattle. Pulse is weak and thready. I’m gonna guess our boy’s got a bad case of pneumonia.”

Chim’s taking his temperature, setting up a saline bag. “109.3. He’s not in good shape, that’s for sure.”

Hen can’t help but smile over at him though, as she checks and field dresses Buck’s wounds. “But he’s here.”

“That’s our Buck.” Chim grins.

Then Hen’s at Buck’s head, frowning at the thickly matted blood in his hair. “He’s got a head wound.” She pulls Buck’s eyelids open, shining a small torch into them. “Non responsive. Pupils are like pin pricks. Definite concussion, possibly more severe head trauma.”

“Let’s get him into the bus.” Chim orders, looking to Eddie, who’s been stood frozen. “Eddie!”

He blinks, swallowing thickly, but nods and helps them both get Buck up and into the Ambo. Then they’re off to the hospital, and all Eddie can think is;

He’s alive.

He’s alive.

He’s alive.

Buck wakes up four days later, after an extensive round of antibiotics and a round of surgery to repair a skull fracture. His hair has been shorn, and Eddie finds it both funny and concerning. The bandage is stark against his skin, but they’re all glad that his colour has returned to him. He’s breathing by himself now too, which is a good sign, after being on the vent for two days.

Mostly, they’re all just glad he’s alive.

The doctors told them that he’s going to make a full recovery; they just need him to wake up. So the 118 takes their week off to watch over him, rotating in shifts.

Eddie and Christopher are with him when his fingers start to twitch, and Christopher cries out. “Bucky!”

Eddie’s trembling with anticipation as Buck’s eyes slowly slide open, and he grins. “Welcome back.”

“Eds?” Buck coughs, voice scratchy and dry. Eddie carefully feeds him two ice chips.

“Thanks.” Buck grins then as Christopher literally throws himself at Buck, snuggling into his side, an arm over his chest.

“I thought you were gone forever!”

Buck looks like he’s about to cry. “I’m so sorry Superman.”

Christopher sniffs. “You’ll be okay, kid.” He pats Buck’s cheek gently, and Buck just holds him until Chris falls asleep.

“I… I did everything…” Buck’s eyes are glassy as he looks from Chris to Eddie.

“Hey.” Eddie takes his hand, squeezing softly. “You did nothing wrong.”

Buck offers a shaky smile. “I knew I had to get back home. To Chris. To you.”

Eddie’s heart skips a beat. He’s all but ready then to tell Buck everything, but the moment is interrupted by Chim bursting in with a tray of food.

“I thought you might – ” He stops when he sees Buck, and grins. “Welcome back Buckaroo.”

Buck grins back at Chim. “Can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Only you would crash your own funeral.” Chim jokes, but Eddie can see he’s relieved, eyes sparkling with happiness.

Buck just shrugs. “I’ve always had a flair for the dramatic.”

“You’re an utter drama queen.” Chim pokes his side, offering Buck the jello from the tray.

Buck smirks around the bright blue of the jello, and Eddie feels himself properly relax for the first time since all of this began.

Love confessions can wait until they’re alone again.

For now, everything is right with Eddie’s world.

**Author's Note:**

> I seem to love making myself cry, haha!


End file.
